That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
