Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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