I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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