I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
