Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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