dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
