If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
