Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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