we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
