Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
