the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
