forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
