I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think a kid would responsible me up
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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