im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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