If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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