We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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