Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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