Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize