I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
