she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
