Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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