I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im six kinds of drunk right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
