That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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