Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize