Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
