my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
we should paint friendship bongs
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
