So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
