I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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