Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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