When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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