Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
