Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
