I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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