If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have feelings that need drinking.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
