you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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