i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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