I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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