Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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