Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
