just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
