Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
