I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
