You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
