Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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