do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize