o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
