the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
