remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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