I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The air was thick with penises
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
