butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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